On our morning walk, Sarah Elizabeth and I were discussing why men go to their caves. Well, that’s my term for it when I just need space to be with myself. Every man has his own way of going to his cave. It’s expression can range from getting lost in a sports broadcast to fishing to just shutting an office door. However it’s expressed, a women usually gets the idea pretty fast even if her man is around since he won’t look up for anything short of a Chinese gong.

I realized that for me it’s a way of getting back in touch with my myself, my power and my masculinity. In our pod casts we’ve been fortunate to visit with some very knowledgeable folks who are exploring the significant differences between men and women. (Listen to interviews with Dr Pat Love or Dr. Scott Haltzman for great info about these differences and how they create challenges in relationships.) Here’s an example of what might make a man lose touch with himself.

Men are basically designed as problem solvers. When a woman wants to “talk,” a wise partner realizes she doesn’t want a fix which is a man’s immediate tendency, she wants to be heard. But it takes great effort for a man to just listen and listen and listen… Sometimes there’s a feeling of mental and physical antsyness that grows into “If I don’t get out of here, I’m going to *@&%ing explode!” Cave time!

Or it’s not unusual for a man to be faced with a chronic challenge that he can’t fix, a problem that seems to have no solution. In this situation, a man feels powerless and going to the cave allows him to get back in touch with himself and his masculinity even if he hasn’t found a solution.

I love that Sarah Elizabeth respects my cave time!